What ifs and If onlys.

I've been contemplating the difference between the two today.
The girls and l had a very close call with a falling Gum tree yesterday. I noticed it was on a bit of a lean, when we were about 4 metres from it, it started to fall. I knew l didn't have room to stop so l accelerated. The trunk missed us, though branches hit the back of the car leaving a couple of scratches but no dents.
I stopped and couldn't turn around to look. Just put my head down and cried. We were less than 1km from home on a sparsely treed road. I drove home and got the girls out of the car and took them in on the couch. I couldn't stop smelling them, feeling their hearts beating. Touching their faces. Grasping their hands and feeling them respond.
What if l had braked, what if the tree fell faster, what if the car stalled, what it.... had hit the car.
I am so thankful that l am consumed by what ifs, and not if onlys. If onlys are when the worst did happen. What ifs are when some one some where has been watching over you.

I went for a look at the tree today. It was much bigger than l thought and had brought down pwer and phone lines. So glad l didn't know that at the time.